Monday, February 28, 2011

The scale is not my friend.

Here is my problem, when I am not working out or trying to lose weight I NEVER get on the scale.  I mean NEVER.  I avoid it like the plague.  Then when I am trying to lose weight, I become obsessed with it.  I get on it every day and even multiple times a day.  I get frustrated because it fluctuates. I it a never ending process.

I am baning my self from the scale until next week.  I weighted Sunday. So I can't weigh until next Sunday. I kind of have a problem with the I want it now syndrome. Do you remember the little girl from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"?  I think her name was Bianca.  I remember in one part of the movie she would whine "But I want it now daddy!"  That is how I feel about by weightloss.  I want to see results and I want to see them NOW!  I keep having to tell myself "You didn't gain this weight over night and you aren't going to lose it over night."  It is the truth.  So one goal at a time one step at time.  It will happen with time.

I have made the most important step I have started doing something about it.  That is the hardest step.  That and sticking with it.  Part of me is afraid {fear} that we won't stick with it and that I will gain it all back.  {we have done this so many times} I hoping to stick with it.

I feel trapped and ashamed of my body.  I want to be able to get out and run, play and bike with my kids.  Go hiking if we feel like it, or play sports, but I don't want to right now because of how big I am.  It is just the way I feel.

I feel ashamed because I need to lose a whole person.  I need to lose about 150 pounds.  It just seems so overwhelming. 

I know this is a rambling post. I just wanted to let y'all now where I was.  I am sticking with it right now.  We are working on week three of  P90X and Shakeology.  I love the Shakeology!

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